Everybody Hates Chris

The SEVEN
11 January 2014

I.  I Am Not A Crook

In a sense, all New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was missing in his 107-minute apology press conference – that is, to differentiate his performance from Richard Nixon’s emotional speech to save his place as vice-presidential nominee on the 1952 Republican ticket – was Checkers the dog.  That said, if it turns out that the Governor knew any more than he has let on, we certainly won’t have Chris Christie to kick around anymore.

Naturally the tabloids had big fun with headlines which detailed Christie’s lessened prospects for winning the Republican presidential nod in 2016, but this wasn’t the week that doomed such prospects.  It was, in fact, the week following Hurricane Sandy, in which he toured hard hit areas of the state with President Obama.  Should Christie run, his Tea Party opponents will run spots showing pictures of him with Barack Obama…and he will be done.

II.  Dumb And Dumber

Remaining in a New Jersey mode, the reigning NBA Sixth Man of the Year (and Garden State native), J.R. Smith, has gotten his wallet lightened by $50,000 by virtue of untying and trying to untie opponent players’ sneaker laces while awaiting foul shots. As a result, Knick coach Mike Woodson benched him for the entire game against the Miami Heat, a game in which the Knicks held on to win without any contributions from him.

That sure would have been funny had he done that on the 3rd grade team. 

III.  Hall of Shame

Of course, no discussion of silliness from Republican governors would be complete without a mention of former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who left his state supposedly to hike on the Appalachian Trail, but had actually flown out of state/region/country/continent to spend six days with his then-girlfriend in Argentina. 

Given that the folks in South Carolina have since elected him to the House of Representatives, there may still be hope for Chris after all.

IV.  Johnny NFL Football 

2012 Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel has announced that he is leaving Texas A&M after this, his sophomore year, to turn pro.  At least he won’t have to worry about being suspended for a half for signing a few autographs…while the school sells thousands of his jerseys without giving him a coin.

V.  Stylin’ & Profilin’

I wrote previously about what some would say is the folly of holding the Super Bowl at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey, given the possibility of extraordinarily bad winter weather.  But what are the chances that the weather will be as bad as it was in Green Bay last weekend?  And it certainly did not seem to affect the play of Colin Kaepernick…but then again, perhaps the 49ers’ clutch play was due in part to the impromptu pep talk they received the day before from the Nature Boy, wrestling legend Ric Flair.

For those of you that want to skip right to the Super Bowl, here are my predictions for the next rounds:

Broncos over Chargers
Colts over Patriots
49ers over Panthers
Seahawks over Saints

Broncos over Colts
49ers over Seahawks 

VI.  Net Result

Don’t look now, but the unbeaten in 2014 Brooklyn Nets are the hottest team in the eastern conference, with a winning streak reaching five games after their overtime win over Miami. The result my Heat fan friend does not want to see – a possible playoff matchup with Brooklyn and its’ crew of ex-Celtics – is back among the realm of possibilities.

VII.  Hall of Fame

Congratulations to new Hall of Famers Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, and Frank Thomas!  But now, to the voters, can you find a way to induct a couple of people who aren’t being discussed too much – Tim Raines and Lee Smith?

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